I’ve Got Questions for Suzanne Groves

Editor’s Note: This exchange is part of a series of brief interviews with emerging writers of recent or forthcoming books. If you enjoyed it, please visit other interviews in the I’ve Got Questions feature.

What’s the title of your book? Fiction? Nonfiction? Poetry? Who is the publisher and what’s the publication date?

You’ll See: A Story of Narcissistic Abuse, Survival, and My Journey to Understand is my memoir published by Black Rose Writing in April 2024.

In a couple of sentences, what’s the book about?

You’ll See is a book about the 56 years I spent doing all I could to win love, approval and praise from my father who, I ultimately figured out, was a malignant narcissist (as if there’s any other kind) who thrived on wielding power and control over others, including and especially his own family. No matter how much I achieved or accomplished, my father ensured I would never feel “good enough.” Nearly four years since his death, I still struggle with the emotional scars from his narcissistic abuse.

What’s the book’s genre (for fiction and nonfiction) or primary style (for poetry)?

Memoir

What’s the nicest thing anyone has said about the book so far?

One reviewer wrote: “This memoir isn’t just a book. It’s a companion. A mirror. A map. A lifeline. For anyone who’s endured the silent devastation of narcissistic abuse, You’ll See doesn’t just say ‘I understand.’ It says, ‘You’re not alone.’”

What book or books is yours comparable to or a cross between? [Is your book like Moby Dick or maybe it’s more like Frankenstein meets Peter Pan?]

While the memoir topics are vastly different, I compare my memoir (with humility) to Educated by Tara Westover and The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls…both raw and poignant memoirs about dysfunctional families and finding a way to carve one’s hopeful future from the wreckage of their abuse.

Why this book? Why now?

I began writing my book shortly after both of my parents died – within two months of one another. I was trying to make sense of all I had experienced with my father and, to a degree, my mother, and the only way I could do it was to pour everything onto paper…I guess, it was my way of trying to determine if I was crazy, or if these things really happened to me. With every remembered vignette I described, I began to see a pattern that my therapist helped me understand was my father’s narcissistic personality disorder.

I want to normalize discussions about narcissistic abuse, among other things, so those of us who were manipulated to believe false narratives can actually rehabilitate ourselves and recover…eventually.

Other than writing this book, what’s the best job you’ve ever had?

My best job was the nine-plus years I spent serving as the Executive Director of Communications, Public Relations and Marketing for a six-campus community college.

What do you want readers to take away from the book?

I think the key takeaway I tried to impart in my memoir is that narcissistic abuse is insidious…the narcissist will make you think YOU’RE the one with the problem and over time, you become scarred with feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and longing for a relationship you’ll never be able to fix. Being able to give voice to these feelings, telling your stories to someone you trust, is absolutely the first step to taking charge of your life and defining boundaries to protect yourself. Resilience comes at a high price because it means you had to suffer along the way, but it also means you survived it, and that’s what counts.

What food and/or music do you associate with the book?

A full-bodied Merlot and Stevie Ray Vaughan.

What book(s) are you reading currently?

As a facilitator of a critique group with fellow published authors, I’m reading brilliant works in progress by Cliff Garstang, Ross Hightower, Del Blackwater, Kat Fieler and Karen Osborne, all of whom humble me with the caliber of their talents.